


Hero

by aewgliriel



Category: Star Wars Legends: Legacy Era - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5743156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewgliriel/pseuds/aewgliriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyp Durron is tired of being a "hero".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics are "Hero" by Darren Hayes. They are not used with permission.

"Master Durron, wait a moment, please."

His steps faltered as the voice behind him called out. For a moment, a tight ball of frustration and anger that he kept wrapped tight threatened to break its bonds. At last, he turned to look at the council member hurrying down the corridor towards him.

He forced a pleasant smile and a bland curiosity, as the council member chattered about something that had no relevance to Kyp whatsoever. He smiled and nodded, saying he would run it by Master Skywalker before the next week's meeting.

He kept the scream in until he reached the turbolift.  
  
 _Outside confidence is king_  
 _I am all that you're projecting_  
 _Inside feel the rising tide_  
 _And the revolution's deafening_  
 _I was trying to hide_  
 _My opposing side_  
 _Trying to reconcile_  
 _My Jekyll and Hyde_  
  
His knuckles were raw, but still his fists pounded against the plast-covered canvas of the punching bag. Sweat ran down his face and neck, matting his black hair against his skull, but he ignored the sting in his eyes, concentrating only on pummelling himself into submission.

The pain finally reached him and he grabbed at the bag as his muscles trembled.

The memo had come that morning; he was to go on some errand for the Senate. After all, he was a war hero, and a famous Jedi. Something simple, he'd been told, a Jedi presence, it was felt, would be beneficial to stop an uprising on a backwater planet.

It was the last thing he wanted to get involved in. Dissidents on a small colony that they wanted him to quell.

Kyp stared blankly at the dark green canvas he rested his forehead against, eyes unfocused, as he contemplated the irony of it; he'd spent eight years in Kessel merely for being the son of a dissident on a small backwater colony.

Next week, it would be something else, and the week after that . . .

He couldn't take it.  
  
 _Ladies and gentlemen listen up please_  
 _I don't want to be your hero_  
 _No I am not open parts of me are broken_  
 _Do yourself a favour save yourself_  
 _Don't pick me find someone else_  
 _Why do you want to bother_  
 _Find yourself another_  
  
The small child in his arms shuddered, convulsing with weakening cries of pain. Kyp huddled behind a large pile of rubble, where he'd crammed himself and the child, in the dark crevice against the wall. The sharp crack of blaster-fire still echoed through his mind.

Simple, they'd said. Merely a formality. Your reputation will do a lot for us in this matter.

Within an hour of stepping off the landing ramp of the transport, the entire colony was razed in one of the bloodiest battles Kyp had seen since the war. This small child he protected now had been caught in the cross-fire with his family. Kyp had acted without thinking, snatching the child out of the war-zone. He knew the child was injured, but he couldn't see well enough to tend the child's injuries.

Silence fell with an abruptness that left his ears ringing. He crawled out of the hole, reaching out with his rattled senses; the battle was over, the Galactic Alliance had subdued the militants.

It took him several moments before he realised the child he clutched to his chest was dead.  
  
 _Sometimes you put all of your desire_  
 _In an object of affection_  
 _But in time because you idolise_  
 _There is only disappointment_  
 _I was flying so high in your perfect sky_  
 _But I needed to fall_  
 _Cannot have it all_  
  
"You can't let it get to you. It wasn't your fault."

"Try telling that to the kid's mother when I handed his broken body to her."

Kyp spun his bottle of lomin ale; it was his third since he'd sat down at the table with Jaina Solo and her boyfriend, Jagged Fel.

"Jaina's right," Jag said. "Look on the bright side, he wasn't alone when he died."

"Better alone than with me," Kyp muttered. He drew on his bottle, set it down with a thump.

Jaina reached across the table and placed her hand over his. "Kyp, it won't do any good to blame yourself."

"Who else am I going to blame? I'm the hero."

"Kriff that, Durron! Did you shoot him?"

Kyp's dark green eyes flicked to Jag, who was staring at their hands. "No," he admitted.

"Then you didn't kill him!" Jaina sat back in a huff, releasing his hand.

His hand was cold. It was the first thing he'd felt besides crushing disappointment and self-pity since he'd broken down in his quarters after returning the child to his family after the battle.

"You don't know what you're saying," he said. "Everything I touch, I hurt. That child. My squadrons. The Jedi."

His gaze met her brown one, stare full of meaning. He knew she got the unfinished reference when she cast her eyes down to the table's surface.

Jag stood. "I'm going to have to go, Jaina. Meeting with Kre'fey early tomorrow."

"Okay."

Kyp turned his eyes away as Jag bent to kiss Jaina. Bad enough he had this on his shoulders, he didn't need to see the couple's display. Especially when it drove the blade deeper.

With as deep as it was, and how long it had been in his heart, one would think it would have healed in place and the bleeding would have stopped.

"You can look, he's gone."

He smiled wryly. "Am I that transparent?"

"As transparisteel." Jaina gazed at him solemnly. "What's this about being a hero?"

Kyp shrugged. "People seem to think I'm a miracle worker now. Except for when I let them down."

"When do you let them down?"

His eyes lifted. "Too many times. Or maybe I let myself down. Hard to tell these days."

"You're too hard on yourself."

"Honest," he corrected. "I'm just honest."

He picked up his bottle. "You should remember, Goddess. You should know full well what I'm capable of."

Her mouth opened and closed as a hot retort came to her, but she realised he spoke the truth.

"Stop idolising me, Goddess. I don't think I'd survive the fall when you finally realise what I am."  
  
 _Ladies and gentlemen listen up please_  
 _I don't want to be your hero_  
 _No I am not open parts of me are broken_  
 _Do yourself a favour save yourself_  
 _Don't pick me find someone else_  
 _Why do you want to bother_  
 _Find yourself another_  
  
The Chief of State blinked dumbly as he stared at Kyp. "Resign? What for?"

"Pergitor."

Cal shook his head. "I have to admit, I don't understand. That mission was a success."

"I don't view flattening a colony and killing civilians a success," Kyp bit out. "I can't condone it and I hate that I was involved in it."

The president frowned and ran his hand over his greying hair. "Well, it's your prerogative, certainly."

"Then I take it my resignation is accepted?"

Reluctantly, Omas nodded.

Kyp gave a short bow and left so briskly his cloak snapped.  
  
 _I don't need to compromise_  
 _I don't need to occupy that floor_  
 _There's a danger in boxing in my sin_  
 _And all that I am_  
  
The hydrospanner narrowly missed his head. "What kind of an idiot are you?"

Kyp ducked. "Nice. Get me to stay by hitting me in the head and killing me. That makes sense."

"Shut up!" Jaina snapped. "Why?"

"Because I don't belong here, Jaina. It's better for everyone."

Her small fist hit him, hard. "You stupid, self-obsessed jerk!"

Kyp caught her arm. "Don't," he growled.

"Stay," she said softly.

A muscle in his jaw ticced. "Don't do that, Jaina. Don't manipulate me."

She wrenched her arm from his grasp. "Fine, go! No one needs you."

"Exactly."

He stalked to the door, hesitated when he heard the small, pained noise Jaina made. He spun on one boot and went back. Cursing himself for a fool, he grabbed her and kissed her roughly.

If he never saw her again, he'd at least have this.

If he hadn't been so focused on his own pain, he would have noticed that she wasn't resisting the almost brutal kiss.

And then he was gone, leaving Jaina a wreck.  
  
 _It's too much pressure_  
 _I'll only let you down again_  
 _It's too much pressure_  
 _I'll only let you down again_  
  
The landscape was stark, full of ruins. It was perfect, because there wasn't anything left here for him to accidentally destroy.

Not on this part of the planet, anyway.

He wondered when the decay of his self-confidence had begun. In the five years since the war ended, his courage had slowly crumbled, and he didn't know why. Part of it was Jaina . . . but then, part of it always was. He couldn't escape his love for her any more than he could escape his past, and it was eating at him.

But it was more than that. He knew that despite all he'd done during the war, all of the lives he'd saved, people would never see the good. All they would see was Carida. He could never save enough lives to make up for that.

He'd thought he was over it, but he'd never got past it. He realised now that the war had distracted him from it, but now . . . It came back even harder, in the face of those who used his efforts at making amends to their own purposes.

By the end, he hadn't been a valued member of the council, he'd been a tool in their hands. And he'd gone along with it because he told himself it was no less than he deserved.

Now, however, he could not longer let himself be their tool. He'd lost his edge, and was only going to end up hurting more than he'd help.

He'd come to Ossus to search for Jedi artifacts among the ruins, hundreds of kilometres from the new academy. Inanimate objects he could deal with. They didn't look at him with pity and disgust.

They also couldn't ease his solitude and loneliness.  
  
 _Ladies and gentlemen listen up please_  
 _I don't want to be your hero_  
 _No I am not open parts of me are broken_  
 _Doo yourself a favour save yourself_  
 _Don't pick me find someone else_  
 _Why do you want to bother_  
 _Find yourself another_  
  
"So this is Ossus, huh? Pretty bleak."

Kyp groaned as Jaina appeared in his doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"It wasn't difficult to track you here."

"I asked why, not how. You're not stupid." He paused. "Or maybe you are, if you ignored me."

She snorted. "Please. The only thing bigger than the chip on your shoulder is the swelling of your head. I'm surprised you can get it in the door."

He smiled before he remembered he was supposed to be angry at her. "What part of 'leave me alone' didn't you understand?"

"The 'leave me alone' part. When did you become the self-pitying hermit?"

"Probably when I murdered three billion people." He stared at her defiantly, as if challenging her.

She took the bait. "Please. That only has so much fuel, and you're way past empty on it. Don't shut me out, Kyp."

"Don't pry where you're not wanted, Jaina."

She moved closer. "Am I not? Could have fooled me."

Kyp moved away from her. "If you've come to ask me to go back to Denon and the Council, the answer's no. I'm the last person who should be on the Council."

"Wasn't planning on it," she said. "I just came to talk. What happened, Kyp? You didn't used to be like this."

"Why are you bothering, Jaina?"

"Because I hate to see you like this." She took another step.  
  
 _It's too much pressure_  
 _I'll only let you_  
 _Down again_  
  
Kyp wished she wouldn't. "Why are you here?"

Her large brown eyes met his. "Saving the hero. I don't need you to protect me, so I guess it's my turn to do the rescuing."

"I told you not to idolise me."

Her mouth curved. "Guess what, Ego Boy? I don't. Never have. It was just an excuse . . ."

She stepped closer. Kyp backed up.

In spite of himself, he had to ask, "For what?"

"So I could hide."

He backed into the wall. "From what?"

"Me." Her hands crept up to his neck.

"Jaina," he whispered. "Jaina, don't do this. What about Jag?"

"I don't care." Her fingers slid into his hair, tugged, as she rose on her toes.

Kyp resisted. "I'll only let you down," he whispered.

"I think I can live with that chance," she murmured, and kissed him.


End file.
